Challenges

This week has been a little bit hard for me.  There have been a few days where I’ll admit I had more than my share of depression.  I hate being depressed because it really affects me.  I feel lethargic, slow, and just totally don’t care about anything.  I don’t even want to move.  It’s on these days that I am so glad I have my exercise because once I get into that gym and start pounding away, all of my worries just dissipate.

Anyways, work has been kind of a major pain.  I really don’t understand why these girls that I work with don’t like me.  I don’t know if I did something or what but they are just not kind at all.  I have tried holding numerous conversations with them but getting them to actually talk back to me feels like pulling teeth.  Eh. whatevs. I’ve just decided to pretty much ignore their rudeness as best I can, and keep as upbeat as an attitude as possible.  Then, once I can find another job, I am OUTTA THERE!

I wanted to highlight on one major thing that has been bugging me lately:  my weight.  No surprise there.

For some reason in the past two weeks I have noticed that my pants are feeling a lot tighter.  It is really uncomfortable and really scares me.  Here, I thought I was maintaining my weight but suddenly I am starting to get bigger.  Augh!! It doesn’t make sense!!  I talked to my therapist about it today in depth.  I almost started crying I was so upset.  I still really attach a lot of self worth and self meaning by the size of the pants that I wear.  I was totally fine with my body where it was two weeks ago.  I thought, hey this body is not so bad and I get to keep it.  I don’t have to worry about gaining more weight because I have reached my set point, and I can have this body forever.

Ummm….yeah…apparently my bod had other plans.  I actually went up about 2 pounds since 2 weeks ago even though I’m still maintaing.   I guess?  So now my pants are tighter.  Ag.  It’s not that I look fat or anything…I just feel bigger.  It’s hard but I’m working through it.  My therapist told me to just calm down, and take it easy, and give it some time.  So that’s what I’m trying to do.  I’m not going to lie though:  it’s still hard and I am noticing my little ed voice creeping back in again.  But Ihaven’t starved and I haven’t skipped any meals.  I have restricted a little by cutting back on my meal plan, minor but still it could be a problem. 

It was definitely good to get everything out though in therapy today.  I was able to calm down, if only slightly, and get some encouragement and hope that was much needed.  My therapist was just as confused as I was about the body change but she did suggest one possible theory:

I might be getting my period.

Yipes!